The Online Life of Sea-Monkeys 2.0 (Tm)

Ohh so nice listening to “modem radio” Live from the new Tijuana Media Lab, and a friend is sending us relic tracks from one of our favorite Praha bands/musicians Naceva circa 2001, “Mole V.” is asking us thru chat if we can send some of those german work pants (huh??) to SF… meanwhile we’re looking for some fresh ostblok tracks to send to TJ, and here we are babbling on FB…

“Syraenia” texts that she flies back to Mexico from Munich 2morrw, and we’re thinking she could be listening to modem radio and should meet the cybercholitos in DF, but don’t know if she has access to a “bio-port” currently… meanwhile sending info to a shadow puppet compa (who once staged a recent Skinny Puppies revival tour with magnificent Balinese-style goblin backdrops) in LAlaland – the capital of the Military Entertainmet Complex – about the rockin rapper Puppetmastaz playing a Btown show ( 13.11 at Volksb├╝hne) …

Whooaa, we feel SO Connected…

And like a vertigo meets high anxiety meets dry heaves, it simultaneously feels like something of life has been reduced to one of those packets of brine shrimp packaged in bright juicy colors and relabeled “Sea Monkeys” sold in the back pages of that comic book ( that just totally changed yur world, like no institutional classroom ever could )…. and by the way how DO those shrimp things live in that totally evaporated packet of dust?? (Egg-like cysts, but more on that later)

And are we buying it, OR are we being made into the product itself ??

This required some immediate research, and we quickly found ( cause ya know the internet answers all, like a gelatinous A.I. fruit salad brain floating in formaldahyde, minus all the wetness ) that there were an abundance of file pics of 70s comic book ads for those real life “Sea-Monkeys”.

And there were of course the Youtube Tv ads. And we are currently wondering how to remix this INCREDIBLE HISTORICAL DOCUMENT ( and THIS ONE : rumor has it their exists a version starring pre-Bedtime for Bonzo Ronald Reagan himself) with Steven Spielberg’s Cheesiest of Lindenberger Cheese Vote ads, which combines the master’s lost-at-sea moral American anchor of a Hollywood Holocaust blockbuster with this celebrity-infused TV-Guide-version toothpaste-users guide to electoral politics. It would probably work great… if kids under 12 could actually vote ( for their uncorrupted piers), but ya know kids don’t count/exist in the Magic Empire of Cabal Cartoons.

We feel CERTAIN that this combination might reveal that Yes, you have already been turned into Sea Monkeys … 2.0. And that’s where the dry heaves sensation really hits.

We are quite CERTAIN that if we were to do further research we would discover that the founder of the Transcience Corporation is none other than The Man Behind The Curtain … of the whole virtual/dehydrated 2nd Life circus. (Which in fact are egg-like cysts, but more on that later).

Yes, this real life version of the Tyrell Corporation (from PKD’s Do Androids Dream…) realized on one of those sweltering September downtown days. Returning from a Martha’s Vineyard family retreat, when all realworld anxiety kicks in at the onset of the new season of capitalist frenzies, something frighteningly fishy was afoot. At a Battery Park sushi joint, while having a power lunch with Japanese shipping magnates, the research team’s report laid on the table, calculations revealed that by 2023 the ocean would be utterly depleted of brine shrimp, and thus an entirely new enterprise needed to be formed or the company would come to an abrupt end… like a Mayan calendar.

Oh, the stories of Sea Monkey Capitalism and the Sea Monkey Simulacrum. The Sea Monkeys on Wall Street and those Sea Monkey Bowls of Happiness… oh the tangled Sea Monkey Webs we weave… Has the XLt crew bitten off more than it can chew?? Will we attempt to bring you an in-depth Sea Monkey Opus Investigation in a microplog-sized sequel, so we can finally get the Dark Shadow of the Sea Monkeys off our backs ???!

…tbc

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